1
00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:06,798
Good morning, Mrs. H.
2
00:00:06,798 --> 00:00:07,716
Ready to go to the office?
3
00:00:07,716 --> 00:00:09,342
The office isn't even open yet, Van.
4
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:11,261
The early bird gets the worm, Mrs. H.
5
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:13,138
That's why I like to go
to the office to watch that.
6
00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:14,931
Sometimes the worm breaks in half.
7
00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:16,182
It's so gross.
8
00:00:17,392 --> 00:00:19,227
But it's really cool.
9
00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:21,646
Hey, honey, can I have
some money before you go?
10
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:23,523
For what?
11
00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:25,275
Well, I just have to get a few things.
12
00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:26,651
These things,
13
00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:29,404
they wouldn't happen to have
high heels, would they?
14
00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:31,531
No.
15
00:00:31,781 --> 00:00:33,241
- Not all of 'em.
- Uh-huh.
16
00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:34,242
So, can I have some money?
17
00:00:34,242 --> 00:00:36,661
Oh, God, it's so hard being generous.
18
00:00:36,661 --> 00:00:38,413
- Ah, just take it all.
- Thanks.
19
00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:41,166
Just make sure you write everything down
in your expense journal.
20
00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:43,251
- See you at the office, Mrs. H.
- [Cheyenne] Bye, honey.
21
00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:46,921
- [door closes]
-"Expense journal?"
22
00:00:46,921 --> 00:00:49,674
Oh, yeah, that's the system
that Van uses to control our money.
23
00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:51,926
He enters all of our expenses
in a computer
24
00:00:51,926 --> 00:00:53,178
and then prints out
these little pie charts
25
00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:54,095
that he's supposed to go over.
26
00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:56,181
But usually, when he sees the pie charts,
27
00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:58,308
he decides he wants pie, so he never does.
28
00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:01,352
And you're okay with that?
29
00:01:01,352 --> 00:01:02,771
Yeah, Van loves pie.
30
00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:05,982
Not that.
31
00:01:05,982 --> 00:01:07,650
Him controlling all the money.
32
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:08,651
Well, Mom,
33
00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:10,570
Dad controlled the money
when you guys were married.
34
00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:13,406
Yes, and having gone through
what I just went through with your dad,
35
00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:16,242
I can think of 75,000 reasons
that was dumb.
36
00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:20,997
Mom, I really don't think Van is like Dad.
37
00:01:20,997 --> 00:01:23,374
There was a time I used to think
Dad wasn't like Dad.
38
00:01:23,374 --> 00:01:24,501
But surprise!
39
00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:28,713
Look, I've thought about talking to him,
40
00:01:28,713 --> 00:01:31,758
but, you know, money is just
one of those issues in our marriage
41
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:34,260
that's just better left not talked about.
42
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:36,679
Okay, Cheyenne, listen to me.
43
00:01:38,139 --> 00:01:40,850
Money is not one of the issues
in a marriage.
44
00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:42,977
It is "the" issue in a marriage.
45
00:01:42,977 --> 00:01:46,189
It is the issue
underneath all the other issues.
46
00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:49,776
Honey, a marriage has to have
full and honest disclosure.
47
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:52,862
Mom, my marriage
has full and honest disclosure.
48
00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:54,239
- [sighs]
- And besides,
49
00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:56,116
I can always lie on my expense journal.
50
00:01:59,994 --> 00:02:01,287
[theme song playing]
51
00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:02,372
[Reba] Hey, hey.
52
00:02:02,872 --> 00:02:05,750
{\an8}♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪
53
00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:08,128
{\an8}♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪
54
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:12,423
♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪
55
00:02:12,423 --> 00:02:15,051
{\an8}♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪
56
00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:17,762
♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪
57
00:02:17,762 --> 00:02:19,430
♪ With gentle hands ♪
58
00:02:19,764 --> 00:02:21,349
{\an8}♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪
59
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:27,981
{\an8}♪ I'm a survivor ♪
60
00:02:36,072 --> 00:02:39,742
Okay, the termite company said we can
tent the Hillman house on Wednesday.
61
00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:40,743
Great.
62
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:44,080
Although, you know what has always
bugged me about tenting a house, Mrs. H?
63
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:44,998
What's that?
64
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:47,417
What if termites love to go campin'?
65
00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:52,088
{\an8}Wouldn't it be ironic...
66
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,841
{\an8}if they saw a tent going up
67
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:57,218
{\an8}and they thought they were
on this really cool camping trip,
68
00:02:57,594 --> 00:02:59,387
{\an8}and the next thing they know,
they're dead?
69
00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:02,765
{\an8}Did you ever wonder about that?
70
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,019
{\an8}Yeah, Van, I think everybody
wonders about that.
71
00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:10,565
{\an8}So, did you write that down
in your expense journal?
72
00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:11,524
{\an8}What?
73
00:03:11,524 --> 00:03:13,985
{\an8}That decaf latte
with a double shot of vanilla.
74
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,404
You do write that down in your
expense journal, don't you?
75
00:03:16,404 --> 00:03:18,197
Me? No, no, no.
That's just for Cheyenne.
76
00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:21,784
Here's another thing
I always wonder about, Mrs. H.
77
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:24,078
{\an8}What if lobsters
78
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:26,039
{\an8}love Jacuzzis?
79
00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:31,002
{\an8}And just before we drop them
into a pot of boiling hot water,
80
00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:33,046
{\an8}they think we're the nicest people
in the world?
81
00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:34,631
{\an8}You know what that would be?
82
00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:35,924
{\an8}That would be ironic.
83
00:03:37,842 --> 00:03:39,928
Let's get back to Cheyenne for a second.
84
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,222
Don't you worry that your financial system
85
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:45,516
might make Cheyenne feel
like a little less than an equal partner?
86
00:03:45,516 --> 00:03:47,143
What? Why would it?
87
00:03:47,435 --> 00:03:49,270
Oh, I don't know, maybe because...
88
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:52,065
you don't have to keep
an expense journal and she does,
89
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,858
and she has to ask for money.
90
00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:56,319
Well, gee, I hadn't thought about that.
91
00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:58,363
Well, something to think about now.
92
00:03:59,155 --> 00:04:00,990
Well, yeah, I guess maybe it is.
93
00:04:01,449 --> 00:04:02,492
Yeah, you know...
94
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,870
You know, when you're not so busy
thinking how ironic it would be
95
00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:08,831
if mosquitoes like those
big blue bug lights that kill 'em.
96
00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:12,460
Huh?
97
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:16,005
You know, those big blue bug lights
that we put outside in the summer.
98
00:04:16,297 --> 00:04:17,465
What if bugs liked 'em?
99
00:04:17,715 --> 00:04:19,050
You know, "Hey, guys. Party's over here."
100
00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:20,677
And then zap. [laughs]
101
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:21,928
[laughs]
102
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,055
I... Uh, y-you lost me.
103
00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:27,225
Oh, you know, like the lobsters.
104
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:30,561
We keep big blue bug lights
out in the summertime
105
00:04:30,561 --> 00:04:31,854
to keep the lobsters away?
106
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:34,524
No, the thing before,
107
00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:37,026
with the happy dead termites
that camp, you know.
108
00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:49,122
Look, Mrs. H, I don't mind
if you have a few beers at lunch, but, uh,
109
00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:52,917
I wouldn't talk to anybody else
this afternoon if I were you.
110
00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:07,974
Hey, where have you guys been?
111
00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:09,017
Just hanging out.
112
00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:10,643
Jake had detention.
113
00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:11,728
[gasps]
114
00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:13,229
You said you wouldn't tell.
115
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:16,774
Yeah, Jake, I say a lot of things.
116
00:05:16,774 --> 00:05:19,610
Yesterday I told the DMV I weighed 105.
Grow up.
117
00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:23,114
So what'd you do?
118
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:24,824
He had a soda at school.
119
00:05:25,199 --> 00:05:26,159
They're banned.
120
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:29,162
I mean, it's the same
as if he brought a tomahawk
121
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,456
or photographs of buxom women.
122
00:05:34,375 --> 00:05:36,669
So, how did you get a soda
if they were banned from school?
123
00:05:36,794 --> 00:05:37,628
Kids sell 'em...
124
00:05:38,087 --> 00:05:39,047
from their backpacks.
125
00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:39,964
Pushers.
126
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,802
On the street,
they call 'em, "pop daddies."
127
00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:50,308
Thank you, Barbra Jean.
128
00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:51,893
- I can take it from here.
- Oh.
129
00:05:52,351 --> 00:05:53,936
Sweet Jake.
130
00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,939
You used to be such a good boy.
131
00:05:58,399 --> 00:05:59,942
We miss that good boy.
132
00:06:01,110 --> 00:06:02,153
Oh.
133
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,366
- Here's what happened. I--
- No.
134
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:09,160
Here's what happened.
135
00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:11,496
Your school banned sodas, and you had one.
136
00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:12,663
That was wrong.
137
00:06:12,997 --> 00:06:14,749
Now, if you've got a problem
with the rules,
138
00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:16,167
you take it up with your principal,
139
00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:17,960
but you do not break the rules.
140
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,004
Now you get upstairs
and think about what I just said.
141
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:25,343
Oh, hey, Mrs. H.
Good, you're here.
142
00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:26,511
Cheyenne!
143
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,679
I thought about what you said
about the money thing,
144
00:06:28,679 --> 00:06:30,098
and I'm gonna make it right.
145
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:31,849
- Oh. Glad I could help.
- Mmm-hmm.
146
00:06:31,849 --> 00:06:32,975
[Cheyenne hums]
147
00:06:32,975 --> 00:06:35,186
- Hey, honey, how was work?
- Oh, great.
148
00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:37,855
Well, except for one of the Realtors
got hammered at lunch.
149
00:06:37,855 --> 00:06:38,773
But, uh,
150
00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:40,608
I covered for her.
151
00:06:41,859 --> 00:06:44,320
Anyway, I have something
really important to say to you.
152
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:47,073
Okay. I know what you're gonna say, Van,
but they were on sale.
153
00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:48,616
You bought shoes.
154
00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:49,742
Good for you.
155
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,245
Okay, well, I put it
in the expense journal.
156
00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:54,038
Put it under, "Asthma Medication."
157
00:06:54,038 --> 00:06:55,164
- But it's in there.
- Okay.
158
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,167
Forget the stupid expense journal.
159
00:06:58,167 --> 00:07:00,211
Look, I realized today that...
160
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:03,214
I'm doing things financially
that might make you feel...
161
00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:05,383
that I don't see you as an equal partner.
162
00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:08,052
Aww, honey, that is so sensitive.
163
00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:11,556
It's hard to go through life that way,
but I try to carry it with dignity.
164
00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:15,268
Anyway, I wanted to show you
how much I value you
165
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,228
as a wife, a mother
166
00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:18,521
and as a partner.
167
00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:19,730
- [Cheyenne] Aww. [chuckles]
- So...
168
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:21,065
I decided...
169
00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:22,859
to pay you.
170
00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:24,026
What?
171
00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:25,945
Yeah, yeah. I-I-I-I, uh,
172
00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:28,823
worked out the approximate value
of what you do around here,
173
00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:31,701
threw in a little extra
'cause you look so hot doing it,
174
00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:33,327
and I came up with a weekly paycheck.
175
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:35,288
[chuckles] So here you go.
176
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:38,082
You figured out my, "value"?
177
00:07:38,082 --> 00:07:41,461
Yeah, you know, stuff like
cooking, laundry, day care.
178
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,463
And I didn't include, uh, you know,
179
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:44,881
'cause that would be illegal.
180
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:50,720
Why would you think
that you could treat me like an employee?
181
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:53,014
Do you think that the money
that we make is yours?
182
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:56,767
[laughs] It's a big ol' joke, Cheyenne.
183
00:07:56,767 --> 00:07:58,519
Van, tell her it's a joke.
184
00:07:58,519 --> 00:08:00,271
A big, ol', dumb, dangerous joke.
185
00:08:00,271 --> 00:08:01,314
Why would I say that?
186
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,523
You're the one who told me to do it.
187
00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:04,442
Wha... You told him to pay me?
188
00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:06,402
No, I didn't say that.
189
00:08:06,402 --> 00:08:08,154
I just told him to think about it.
190
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,614
You told Van to think?
191
00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:10,531
Are you insane?
192
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:13,159
What is that?
193
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:14,952
- Is that an insult?
- Oh.
194
00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:17,455
All right, fine, Cheyenne.
195
00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:18,581
I'll answer your question.
196
00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:19,499
Yes.
197
00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:22,084
I think the money that I make is mine.
198
00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:24,587
And why would I think
a crazy thing like that?
199
00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:25,922
Oh, that's right,
200
00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:27,507
'cause when the paychecks come,
201
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,258
they have my name on 'em.
202
00:08:30,092 --> 00:08:32,512
You know what, I cannot believe
that I said that you were sensitive.
203
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,222
You're not sensitive.
You're a butt.
204
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:35,473
And as for you, Mom,
205
00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:37,433
I can't call you a butt
because you're my mom.
206
00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:38,684
But if you weren't, I would.
207
00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:40,853
Except that I won't be
talking to you, so I can't.
208
00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:41,938
Oh, and, Van,
209
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:43,648
these shoes, they weren't on sale.
210
00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:45,358
And I bought two pair.
211
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,734
Cheyenne.
212
00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:48,194
Van, go after her.
213
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:49,487
Tell her you made a mistake.
214
00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:52,156
I made a big mistake, all right,
when I took your advice.
215
00:08:52,156 --> 00:08:55,159
That's the last time I listen to you
when you're drunk.
216
00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:08,172
Oh, are you talking to me this morning?
217
00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:11,300
If you are, I'd sure like a chance
to explain what happened.
218
00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:13,302
[beeping]
219
00:09:13,302 --> 00:09:14,720
[telephone rings]
220
00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:16,138
[Reba on answering machine]
Hi, this is Reba.
221
00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:17,640
Leave a message after the beep.
222
00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:18,766
[beeps]
223
00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:21,435
I'm sorry, I've reached a number
that I'm not speaking to.
224
00:09:25,773 --> 00:09:27,191
All you had to do was say no.
225
00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:32,238
Cheyenne, I know you're still mad at me,
226
00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:35,616
but flushing the toilet when someone's
in the shower isn't just mean,
227
00:09:35,616 --> 00:09:36,784
it's dangerous.
228
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:40,830
[scoffs]
229
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:42,123
So you're still not talking to me?
230
00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:43,124
Mom.
231
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:45,293
Oh, you're talking to me now?
232
00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:49,380
Actually, I'm just talking
to myself out loud.
233
00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:51,591
Cheyenne, if Van tries to talk to you,
234
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,926
try and figure out a way to let him know
you're not talking to him.
235
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:55,261
Okay, Cheyenne, I will.
236
00:09:58,639 --> 00:09:59,807
Van, it's Van.
237
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,059
Nice choice in the wife, you moron.
238
00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:06,647
Reba, it's Reba.
239
00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:08,899
How's it working out living in a nuthouse?
240
00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:14,989
Jake, what are you doing home?
241
00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:16,532
Aren't you supposed to be
on your way to school?
242
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:20,286
This morning, I was out on the lawn
pulling dandelions,
243
00:10:20,494 --> 00:10:22,705
nature's beautiful yellow garbage...
244
00:10:24,415 --> 00:10:26,459
when I saw my stepson
245
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:30,546
struggling under the weight
of his enormous backpack.
246
00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:31,756
[loud clunk]
247
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,258
What the heck is in there?
248
00:10:34,258 --> 00:10:36,010
It wasn't that heavy when you left.
249
00:10:39,096 --> 00:10:39,930
Sodas.
250
00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:41,223
I don't believe this.
251
00:10:41,223 --> 00:10:42,433
It's not what you think.
252
00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:44,060
Sometimes on the way to school,
253
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:46,646
I run into homeless people
who really love soda.
254
00:10:49,398 --> 00:10:50,232
Oh, really?
255
00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:51,442
[coins jingling]
256
00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:55,071
And sometimes they need...
257
00:10:55,196 --> 00:10:57,031
- change for a dollar?
- Oh, Jake.
258
00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:59,450
Okay, we don't have time
to talk about this now.
259
00:11:00,284 --> 00:11:03,037
We will have a long conversation
when you get home from school.
260
00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:04,163
Now, get.
261
00:11:04,955 --> 00:11:08,501
Reba, a long conversation
is not gonna do anything.
262
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:09,835
But I know what will...
263
00:11:10,294 --> 00:11:11,921
military school. [pops]
264
00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:14,090
Barbra Jean,
265
00:11:14,256 --> 00:11:16,175
- I don't need help raising my kids.
- Oh.
266
00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:17,593
I've been doing this a long time.
267
00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:18,928
They've all turned out pretty well.
268
00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:20,096
All right.
269
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:21,180
[Van] You're just a big baby.
270
00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:22,890
Oh, oh, if someone's talking to me,
271
00:11:22,890 --> 00:11:23,891
- I can't hear them.
- [imitates baby wailing]
272
00:11:23,891 --> 00:11:25,768
Especially if they're a big gigantic butt.
273
00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:27,520
Where are your diapers, you big baby?
274
00:11:28,396 --> 00:11:29,230
[door closes]
275
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:32,191
So, military school, huh?
276
00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:39,740
[knocks]
277
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:41,033
Hey, Mr. H.
278
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:42,243
I need some advice.
279
00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:43,411
Advice?
280
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:46,956
You know, Van, I always hoped
we'd have a relationship like this.
281
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:49,208
You know, that you'd look at me
as a mentor.
282
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:50,292
As a guy that you could come to--
283
00:11:50,292 --> 00:11:51,502
Need it today, Mr. H.
284
00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:54,088
Okay. So what's the problem?
285
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:56,215
Well, Cheyenne and I had
a big fight about money.
286
00:11:56,715 --> 00:12:00,010
And she's mad at me because I said
I think the money I make is mine.
287
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:02,805
And I need to know how to explain it
to her so she'll understand.
288
00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:04,849
[exhales]
289
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:07,435
Okay, Van.
290
00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:09,186
It's time.
291
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:11,814
I'm going to tell you something now,
292
00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:13,858
something that all men get told
293
00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:15,234
- when the time is right.
- Yeah.
294
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:18,529
It is the deepest secret
in the fellowship of the husbands.
295
00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:21,615
It's the bedrock truth
upon which all else sits.
296
00:12:21,615 --> 00:12:23,617
- It is, in fact--
- Today, Mr. H. Need it today.
297
00:12:24,743 --> 00:12:26,036
Okay, you ready?
298
00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:27,163
Yeah.
299
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:28,956
It's not your money.
300
00:12:28,956 --> 00:12:29,957
What?
301
00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:33,043
Don't say it, Mr. H, 'cause if you say it,
then there's no hope.
302
00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:34,378
There is no hope, buddy.
303
00:12:34,378 --> 00:12:35,504
Wake up. Face it.
304
00:12:35,504 --> 00:12:37,465
But the checks have
my name written on 'em.
305
00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:39,925
- The checks have your name on 'em?
- Yeah.
306
00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:41,260
You're an idiot.
307
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,972
All right, look,
I'm sorry for being so direct,
308
00:12:44,972 --> 00:12:47,308
but the best way
is to absorb it all at once.
309
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:48,225
[shudders]
310
00:12:48,225 --> 00:12:49,393
Yeah, you okay?
311
00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:51,312
[shudders]
312
00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:53,647
I'm a little nauseous.
313
00:12:53,647 --> 00:12:56,108
Yeah, well, deep breaths, kid.
314
00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:57,776
- [exhales deeply]
- Deep breaths.
315
00:12:58,444 --> 00:12:59,487
[chuckles]
316
00:13:00,237 --> 00:13:01,614
Yeah, I once felt like you.
317
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:03,908
Yeah, back in the day,
when I also believed
318
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:06,744
whether I was gonna play golf that week
was my decision.
319
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,622
But I found out I was living a lie.
320
00:13:10,706 --> 00:13:12,166
You're in a marriage, Van.
321
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:15,628
There is very little, "mine"
and, "yours" in a marriage...
322
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:16,837
and a whole lot of...
323
00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:18,839
"ours."
324
00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:20,966
But maybe that can change.
325
00:13:22,676 --> 00:13:25,179
Maybe it's just that
no one's ever tried yet, huh?
326
00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:28,724
There isn't a guy
walking out of divorce court
327
00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:31,060
that didn't once believe
he was the chosen one.
328
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,353
No, Van.
329
00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:34,146
You have to accept this.
330
00:13:34,146 --> 00:13:35,523
Okay, I can accept it.
331
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:38,943
I, I can accept that the money
I make is also Cheyenne's.
332
00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:39,860
I can.
333
00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:43,197
But you mean to tell me that I'm not even
allowed to say, "I think it's mine"?
334
00:13:43,572 --> 00:13:44,823
And now comes the hope.
335
00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:47,284
There is a place where you can do that.
336
00:13:47,284 --> 00:13:48,452
It's a wonderful place.
337
00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:49,662
Van...
338
00:13:50,454 --> 00:13:52,540
I think it's time you learned
how to play golf.
339
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:54,166
You're coming with me on Saturday, yeah.
340
00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:55,793
- We're gonna go golfing?
- Yeah, buddy.
341
00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:57,628
- Oh.
- Hey.
342
00:13:57,836 --> 00:13:59,046
- Hello, boys.
- Hey.
343
00:13:59,046 --> 00:13:59,964
What's going on?
344
00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:01,340
Oh, we're just shooting the breeze.
345
00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:02,508
Hey, listen to this.
346
00:14:02,758 --> 00:14:05,803
- Van's coming golfing with me on Saturday.
- Yeah.
347
00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:07,096
- Golf?
- Yeah.
348
00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:09,473
- Oh, I don't think so, honey.
- Huh?
349
00:14:09,473 --> 00:14:12,268
You know, until we get this situation
with the IRS figured out,
350
00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:14,436
we need to be more careful with our money.
351
00:14:14,728 --> 00:14:15,729
Don't you think?
352
00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:21,110
Yes, of course.
353
00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:39,712
- Look, Mr. H--
- Just go.
354
00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:50,556
Oh. Hey.
355
00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:53,893
If you're talking to me, hello.
356
00:14:54,476 --> 00:14:55,853
If you're not talking to me...
357
00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:57,438
hello anyway.
358
00:15:00,232 --> 00:15:01,525
I'm no longer mad at you.
359
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:04,069
I discussed this
with the people at my meeting,
360
00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:06,530
and they suggested
that I act with grace and maturity.
361
00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:07,698
[Reba] Hmm.
362
00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:12,036
Oh, shoot, the boss is here!
We better look busy!
363
00:15:12,036 --> 00:15:13,871
Is that shiny enough for you,
Mr. Montgomery, sir?
364
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:15,247
I wanna earn my paycheck.
365
00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:16,165
[chuckles]
366
00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:18,709
What are you doing?
367
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:20,920
What does it look like she's doing?
368
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,588
She's acting with grace and maturity.
369
00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:26,675
You know, Cheyenne,
I don't consider myself your boss,
370
00:15:26,675 --> 00:15:29,929
but if I did, your file would have
a big red sticker on it
371
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,722
that said "Bad Attitude".
372
00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:33,182
You know what, Van?
373
00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:35,684
When we got married,
you shouldn't have said, "I do."
374
00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:37,311
You should have said, "You're hired."
375
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:38,854
- [laughs]
- A-ha.
376
00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:40,356
Oh, look at you.
377
00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:42,691
- You're talking to each other.
- I'm goin' to the golf course.
378
00:15:42,691 --> 00:15:44,276
- Okay.
- Van, stop.
379
00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:45,444
Cheyenne, stop.
380
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:48,280
If you guys aren't in the mood to talk,
well, I am.
381
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:49,740
So sit down, shut up and listen.
382
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:54,495
- She's gonna say it's my fault.
- No, she's gonna say it's my fault.
383
00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:56,538
Well, you're both wrong,
'cause it's my fault.
384
00:15:57,748 --> 00:15:59,792
Oh, Mrs. H, I don't blame you.
385
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:00,918
You were loaded.
386
00:16:04,713 --> 00:16:05,756
Look, guys.
387
00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:07,925
I think this thing
between Brock and the IRS
388
00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:10,135
has got me a little nutty
in the money area.
389
00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:12,304
Yeah, well, maybe, but it's okay,
390
00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:13,597
'cause you've been under a lot of stress.
391
00:16:14,181 --> 00:16:15,808
Well, I'll tell you the truth, Cheyenne.
392
00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:19,395
Where there's money,
there will always be stress.
393
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:21,438
Whether you have money or if you don't.
394
00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:23,983
It'll always be a large pain in the rear.
395
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,026
That's why couples
don't wanna talk about it.
396
00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:27,277
And that's where the trouble starts.
397
00:16:27,277 --> 00:16:29,321
And that's what I was trying to prevent.
398
00:16:29,905 --> 00:16:31,198
Nice job.
399
00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:34,785
Don't avoid this issue, guys.
400
00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:37,079
It will never go away.
401
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:42,960
[exhales]
402
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:46,422
[sighs]
403
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:50,384
Look.
404
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:55,389
I'm sorry I said I think
the money I make is mine...
405
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:56,807
just because I earn it,
406
00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:58,517
and the checks have
my name written on 'em.
407
00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:06,817
That's not why I got mad, Van.
408
00:17:07,484 --> 00:17:09,570
I got mad because I don't make any money.
409
00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:12,614
And every time I worry about that,
I tell myself that it's okay
410
00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:14,700
because I think of all the other things
I do for the family.
411
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,910
Yes, exactly, and that's what I was
trying to show you with the check.
412
00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:18,620
Well, you know what,
this is gonna sound stupid, Van,
413
00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:20,873
but I felt like you devalued
everything I do
414
00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:22,583
by putting a value on it.
415
00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:25,794
Oh, honey. No.
416
00:17:26,962 --> 00:17:29,631
You are the heart and soul of our family.
417
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:31,800
Money, we can always find,
418
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,636
but you give us something
that we can't find anyplace else.
419
00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:36,847
You know what that is?
420
00:17:38,098 --> 00:17:39,224
Cheyenne-ism.
421
00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:44,313
You're just saying that.
422
00:17:44,313 --> 00:17:45,355
No, baby, look.
423
00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:48,192
I-I could give up my job,
my stuff, my everything.
424
00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:49,818
It can all be replaced,
425
00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:51,612
but there's something
that can never be replaced...
426
00:17:52,654 --> 00:17:53,489
you.
427
00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:56,158
- Oh.
- Hmm?
428
00:17:57,284 --> 00:17:58,744
- Baby.
- Yeah?
429
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:01,288
Let's try to never
fight about money again.
430
00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:02,623
- Deal.
- Okay.
431
00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:05,250
- Mmm.
- [sighs]
432
00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:08,212
- So, hey.
- Yeah?
433
00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:11,507
What do you say we go upstairs
and you make a little overtime?
434
00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:12,633
[Cheyenne] Mmm.
435
00:18:14,301 --> 00:18:16,095
You can't afford me.
436
00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:19,807
Wait a minute.
437
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:21,391
- [coins jingling]
- Wait a minute.
438
00:18:22,309 --> 00:18:23,602
Wait a minute.
439
00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:41,453
- Hey.
- Mom.
440
00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:43,705
- [door closes]
- I was just going to my room to...
441
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:44,790
pray.
442
00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:48,252
Well, I already prayed.
God wants you to sit.
443
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:53,215
Jake, what were you thinking
selling those sodas?
444
00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:56,385
Why am I in trouble
for being a good businessman?
445
00:18:56,927 --> 00:18:58,762
Do you realize
that when I'm a millionaire,
446
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:01,223
this will be the cute story
you tell Larry King.
447
00:19:02,891 --> 00:19:05,269
Watch it, Jake.
Being dishonest is not funny.
448
00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:07,896
Yeah, well, neither is being poor.
449
00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:11,525
What do you mean by that?
450
00:19:12,734 --> 00:19:14,570
Forget it.
What's my punishment?
451
00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:15,821
No, I'm not gonna forget it.
452
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:16,947
What are you talking about?
453
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:19,283
All everybody
talks about around here lately
454
00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:20,659
is how we don't have any money.
455
00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:23,829
Well, I'm trying to do
something about that.
456
00:19:25,622 --> 00:19:27,499
So you were doing all that
just for the family?
457
00:19:28,375 --> 00:19:29,543
Yes.
458
00:19:30,919 --> 00:19:32,045
Okay, Jake.
459
00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:34,006
Here's your punishment.
460
00:19:35,382 --> 00:19:38,010
You have to listen to what
I'm gonna say right now...
461
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,970
and remember it for the rest of your life.
462
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,139
Couldn't you just whack me?
463
00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:43,891
Listen to me.
464
00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:48,145
Honey, you will have opportunities
your whole life...
465
00:19:48,645 --> 00:19:51,732
to break the rules.
and to cheat to get money.
466
00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:53,400
- Sweet.
- Jake.
467
00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:55,652
Now,
468
00:19:56,069 --> 00:19:58,113
if you take advantage
of these opportunities,
469
00:19:58,113 --> 00:19:59,448
even if you get the money,
470
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,241
you will be poor.
471
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,535
You may have a lot of money,
472
00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:05,996
but you will be poor.
473
00:20:08,248 --> 00:20:10,000
Do you understand what I'm saying here?
474
00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:13,212
- Yes.
- Good.
475
00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:16,506
Now, you might oughta go tell Barbra Jean
what you've been up to,
476
00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:17,841
'cause she's really upset.
477
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:19,301
[chuckles nervously]
478
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:20,677
I already did.
479
00:20:20,677 --> 00:20:21,929
[door opens]
480
00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:24,890
Jake, delivery time.
481
00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:28,685
I also brought candy,
482
00:20:28,685 --> 00:20:30,771
'cause I think we're leaving
a lot of money on the table
483
00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:32,272
by not offering sweets.
484
00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:37,945
Crap.
485
00:20:43,575 --> 00:20:46,578
[closing theme music playing]
486
00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:16,566
{\an8}Acme! [coughing]